How To Prepare For Anal Sex
- Communicate. “With any kind of sexual activity, verbal communication is a must,” says Needle. “Talk to your partner or partners about your fears or desires for anal sex, and continue to communicate when first trying anal sex. Let your partner know if it hurts, or if you’d like them to move more slowly or more quickly.” It’s really important that you feel comfortable talking to each other throughout every sexual experience, but especially new ones!
On that note, enthusiastic consent is always a sexual perquisite, so you should never feel pressure to engage in any type of anal play. “Remember that if you try it and you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again,” says Needle. “Some people don’t choose to try anal sex, and some just don’t enjoy it once they try it, but both are okay.” - Focus on relaxation. If it’s your first time trying anal sex, spend a few minutes relaxing your mind and body, including your anal muscles, says Needle. Try this: Squeeze your butt muscles, and hold them tight for several seconds or a few minutes, then release. That’s the relaxed feeling you want to have during anal sex.
- Lather on the lube. “Use lots of lubrication because, unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce its own lubricant,” says Needle. “The more lube you use, the more comfortable and enjoyable anal sex can be.” She recommends using a water-based lubricant, such as Slippery Stuff, for anal sex because it won’t degrade a condom like a silicone-based lube would (more on that in a second). “This lube is really good because it gets less sticky, and it lasts longer [than other water-based lubes],” Needle says. “Water-based lubes tend do tend to dry out a little faster.”
- Experiment with anal play. “Before going right to anal sex, you may want to begin with a finger to become more comfortable with anal play,” says Needle. “Maybe even start by playing around the rim before going straight in.” You can also try a butt plug or a smaller dildo or vibrator (so long as it has a flared base) to work up to whatever size penis or strap-on your partner has, she adds.
How To Practice Safe Anal Sex
Whatever anal sex position you try, don’t skimp on safety! It’s a must to minimize risk of infection. For starters, “be sure to clean your genitals before and after engaging in anal sex,” says Needle. FYI: That doesn’t mean you need to anal douche (although you can if you want). “A shower, proper wiping, or anal-friendly wet wipe is adequate for cleaning the area,” Dr. Evan Goldstein, DO, an anal surgeon and doctor in New York City specializing in anal care and the founder of Bespoke Surgical previously told Women’s Health.
Another safety tip: “Don’t go from the anus to the vagina. It can lead to infection and complications,” says Needle. The same goes for your condoms—which, yes, the penetrating partner should wear during anal sex to decrease risk of infection. “Discard it and put a new one on if you’re going [from the anus] back to the vagina,” says Needle.
For Beginners: Doggy Style
Doggy style is not only a classic anal sex position, but it’s one of the best options for beginners, says Needle, because it allows the receiving partner to stay in control. “Especially the first time you’re trying anal penetration, it’s good to be in control of your partner’s penis [or dildo], so you can guide it at a pace and pressure that you’re comfortable with,” she says. “Take your time getting it in because the lining of the anus is very sensitive. Pay attention to your body, and stop if it’s too painful.”
The receiving partner can adjust the depth of penetration by tilting their hips, and/or they can rock their hips back and forth to add some variety to the position.
How to do it: The receiver gets on all fours, and the penetrating partner enters them from behind. From here, either partner can stimulate the receiver’s nipples, clitoris (if they have one), and other erogenous zones with their hand or a toy for added pleasure.
For Beginners: Spoon
Another of Needle’s top recommended positions for beginners, spooning ensures that the receiving partner is comfortable, helping their body—including their anal muscles—relax before penetration. It also allows the receiver to stay in control because they can reach back and guide their partner’s penis or dildo into their anus.
Plus, if the receiving partner has a vagina, it’s another position that allows for clitoral and/or internal vaginal stimulation at the same time. “There are a lot of shared nerve endings between the walls of the vagina and the anus, so simulating the vagina simultaneously can be extremely pleasurable,” says Needle. “If you feel comfortable, insert something, perhaps a finger or vibrator, into your vagina while you’re engaging in anal play.”
How to do it: Both partners lie on their sides—with the giver behind the receiver—facing the same direction. The receiving partner can then bring their knees up slightly while the giving partner slides up behind the receiver’s pelvis and enters them from behind.
For Beginners: Lap Dance
This position is perfect for people who are relatively new to anal sex because it’s easy to pull off (but still hot). Why? Because it allows the receiving partner to control the depth of penetration by how far down they sit onto the giving partner, says Needle. It also allows the receiver to adjust the pace of penetration to their comfort level, she adds, by how slowly or quickly they move up and down on their partner’s penis or dildo.
How to do it: The giving partner sits on the edge of a bed or a chair. With their back to the giver, the receiver slides down on top of their lap, easing the giver’s penis or dildo into their anus. To spice up this position, the receiver can also reach their hands around the back and grab the penetrating partner for more contact. Either partner can also stimulate the receiver’s genitals and other erogenous zones, including the clitoris (if they have one), nipples, and inner thighs.
For Beginners: The Caboose
Don’t you love that this position is called the Caboose? While it’s a must-try for regular penetration, it’s another beginner-friendly option for anal. Again, the receiving partner can control the depth and speed of penetration by how they back up into the giving partner. And sexual partners can also enhance this position by stimulating the receiver’s vagina (if they have one) with their hand and/or a toy.
Not to mention, this position allows for a lot of skin-to-skin contact and partners can kiss each other to up the romance even more.
How to do it: The giver sits on the bed or a chair, with one leg straight and one knee bent. Then, the receiver backs themselves into their lap. Both partners spoon each other while seated.
For Beginners: Back It Up
If you’re interested in trying a standing anal sex position that’s still fairly beginner-friendly, this is a great choice. Not only can the receiver lie in a comfortable position on their side, but it’s also ideal for the giving partner to ease themselves in with shallow penetration. “Take it slow. Start with gentle movements, allowing the receiver to set the pace,” says Needle. “[This will] help relax the anal muscles, making it more comfortable.”
You can also experiment with putting a pillow underneath the receiver’s neck and back or hips to change how this position feels. “Sometimes, just a small shift in the angle or depth can make a big difference in comfort,” says Needle. “All partners should kind of experiment with subtle adjustments to see what feels best.”
How to do it: The receiver lies on the edge of a bed (or another comfortable flat surface), leaning on one side with their backside facing the giving partner. The giver stands beside the bed and begins to insert their penis or dildo in the receiver’s anus. The receiving partner can also lean back into the penis or dildo, and swivel their hips to control the speed and motion of penetration.
For Intermediate: Leaning Cowgirl
Any position where the receiver is on top allows them to have more control over the depth and speed of penetration. (Yeehaw to that!) That said, anal sex in the cowgirl position is a bit more advanced than other beginner-friendly positions, like Spoon or Back It Up, simply because they allow the receiver to lie down, and therefore, be more comfortable.
“It takes some muscle to be able to lower and not go all the way down in some of the other positions,” says Needle. “They could be very comfortable, especially once the entire penis or dildo is in, but if you’re trying to control the depth, it can be a little bit more challenging.” But remember, there’s more than just up and down movement. The receiver can also rock back and forth to try another type of stimulation.
Another perk to this rear end rodeo? Just as with traditional cowgirl, it’s super easy for either partner to finger the receiver’s vagina or rub their clitoris.
How to do it: The giving partner lies down face-up, while the receiving partner straddles them. Leaning forward, the receiver can then slowly slide themself down on the giver’s penis or dildo at their own pace. The receiving partner can also place both hands on the giving partner’s chest or shoulders for stability and intimacy.
For Intermediate: Lying Doggy
Lying Doggy “is a very comfortable position because you’re fully relaxed,” says Needle. It’s also a position where partners can—and should—work together to control the depth and pace of penetration. While the penetrating person is “in more control” with this position, they should check in with the receiving person about how much penetration feels good, says Needle.
If the receiver prefers shallow penetration, the giver should only insert the tip of their penis or dildo. “It’s really enjoyable for the person penetrating because the tip is typically the most sensitive area of the penis,” Needle says. To increase sensation without increasing penetration, they can also wrap a hand around their shaft.
Plus, either partner can get handsy with the receiver. “You can also reach forward to simulate your clit if you want, or your partner can reach forward,” says Needle.
How to do it: The receiving partner lies on their stomach, and the giving partner lies directly on top of them, entering from behind.
For Intermediate: Backdoor Missionary
Anal sex positions are often a face-away-from-each-other kind of deal, but this one allows partners to share some sexy eye-contact—with some bangin’ benefits. “Facing your partner and making eye contact during sex can deepen emotional connection, enhance intimacy, and foster trust,” says Needle. “Eye contact is a powerful form of nonverbal communication, so it helps you feel closer and more connected.” But the best bedroom bennie? “It can increase arousal because eye contact activates the sympathetic nervous system and can make the experience more intense and pleasurable,” says Needle.
In this position, partners can also kiss a ton, and the giver can even stimulate the receiver’s nipples and other erogenous zones to increase intimacy and pleasure.
How to do it: The receiver lies face up, and the giver enters them from the missionary position. To control the depth of penetration, the receiving partner can keep their knees pressed against the giving partner’s side. The receiver can also put their hands on the giver’s chest for extra resistance. Another option: The receiver can place a pillow underneath their hips to angle the pelvis into a comfortable position for anal penetration.
For Intermediate: Reverse Cowgirl
Once you’ve mastered the Leaning Cowgirl position for anal sex, you can, to borrow a phrase from Missy Elliot, flip it and reverse it. “Be open to trying different things if you’re comfortable,” says Needle.
And while it may be slightly challenging to pull off, a huge perk of the reverse cowgirl position is that the receiver maintains control of the depth and speed of the penetration because they’re on top. Not only can they move up and down on the giver, but they can also rock their hips side to side to find the sensation that feels best for them. Plus, both partners can incorporate ball and/or clitoral play into the mix for an added layer of stimulation.
How to do it: The giving partner lies on their back with their legs straight out. Then, the receiving partner straddles them backward and slides down onto the penis or dildo at their leisure. In this position, the giver can also stimulate the receiver’s clit (if they have one) for additional pleasure.
For Intermediate: Backsided Lotus
Regular Lotus is touted as one of the most intimate and romantic sex positions there is. Make it the anal version, and you take that intimacy up a notch. Here, partners are as close to each other as possible, and they can really hone in on that arousal-boosting eye-contact. But that’s not the only perk of this position: “Looking in someone’s eyes during intimate moments can build trust, which helps with feeling comfortable and open,” says Needle.
Not to mention, this is another receiver-on-top position that allows them to control the speed and depth of the giving partner’s thrusts. Just know that the penetration will likely feel pretty deep from this angle, so it’s best to go slow.
How to do it: The penetrating partner sits on a bed or a couch with their legs crossed. The receiving partner climbs on top of their lap, and then slides down onto the penis or dildo. The giver can hold the receiver’s hips and butt, while the receiver holds the giver’s shoulders or wraps their arms around their neck for increased closeness.
For Intermediate: Spork
The Spork is really, really hot for any kind of sex—there’s the intimate eye contact, the intertwined legs, and the slightly twisted angle of penetration. Try it as an anal sex position and it might become your favorite, especially if the receiving partner incorporates some hand action. Here’s how: “In the Spork, the person penetrating is sort of in a more dominant position, but [the receiving person] can still control the depth of penetration,” says Needle. The receiver can wrap their hand around the shaft of their partner’s penis or dildo, guiding how much can go into their anus. If the penetrating partner has a penis, the receiver can also use their hand to “clench hard” around the shaft, mimicking the tight feeling of anal penetration, which “can be really enjoyable” for the penis owner.
How to do it: The receiving partner lies on their back, with one leg raised at a 90-degree angle. The giving partner then positions themselves between the receiver’s legs and enters their anus.
For Advanced: Standing Doggy
If you consider yourself an anal aficionado, you might want to kick things up a notch by incorporating a little kink. This position is a a gentle foray into BDSM because the receiver bends forward while the giver restrains their wrists (which can be done with just their hands).
With any sex position or act, but especially those that require one partner to be submissive in some way, shape, or form to the other, communication is key. “Communicate with your partner (or partners) to make sure you’re on the same page,” says Needle. “And if you want to try a different angle or a different position, do that.”
How to do it: Both partners stand facing forward, with the receiver in front of the giver. The receiving partner then bends over at the waist, while the giving partner enters them from behind. The giver can hold onto the receiver’s hips to provide stability, or they can grip the receiver’s wrists and hold them by the sides of the receiver’s body.
For Advanced: Full Throttle
Calling all anal veterans! If you’re someone who loves deep penetration, this (appropriately named) position is a must-try. Not only does the angle give the giver full entry into the anus, but the receiver is also in an ideal position to insert a finger or a toy into their vagina (if they have one). Remember, the walls between the anus and vagina share a ton of nerve endings, so simulating these areas simultaneously can deliver double the pleasure, according to Needle. The result? A toe-curling feeling of total fullness.
How to do it: The receiving partner lies on their back, bringing their legs up to their shoulders in a V position. (The receiver can also hold their legs with their hands for more control.) With their arms braced on either side of the receiver’s body, the giver enters from above.
For Advanced: The Snake
If you and your partner(s) regularly engage in anal sex and have already mastered Lying Doggy, then you’ll really love this position. Having the receiver raise their hips will make the penetration feel deeper, while also allowing the receiver to reach under themselves and stimulate their clit (if they have one) with their hand or a toy.
How to do it: The receiver starts kneeling, then leans forward and places their chest on a bed or another comfortable flat surface. Once the receiving partner is in position, the giving partner enters them from behind. For deeper penetration, the giver can lean back and hold the receiver’s hips to pull them in closer.
For Advanced: Pile Driver
Don’t let the name scare you, but just know you should stretch before trying this advanced anal sex position. “It does require significant flexibility and strength, especially from the partner on the bottom,” says Needle. “Don’t do it if you have injuries because this position places pressure on the neck, shoulder, and back.” To help relieve some of that pressure and provide better stability and comfort for the receiving partner, she also suggests putting a pillow or cushion under the neck and shoulders.
You’ll also want to use a lot of lube as “this position can be more intense because of the angle and the depth of penetration,” says Needle. “[The giving partner should] start with gentle, shallow thrusts, allowing the receiving partner to adjust and avoid discomfort.” And while the illustration shows the receiver’s hips fully vertical, feel free to tweak this position to suit you and your partner’s specific needs. “Make slight adjustments in angles. The top partner can adjust their stance or their height, while the bottom partner may slightly lower and tilt their hips to find the best angle,” says Needle. “Communicate about the pace, depth, and pressure, and just make sure you’re all comfortable. Take breaks if you need it.” (Always good sex advice!)
How to do it: The receiving partner lies on their back and brings their legs up over their head. (It’s helpful if that person is particularly flexible!) The receiver should try to get their butt as high in the air as possible before the giver lowers themselves onto the receiver. In this position, the giver can also lean down and stimulate the receiver’s clitoris (if they have one) for added sensation.
